10/9/81 Friday

BEGINNING OF MINISTRY TO
ERROL FLYNN IN PURGATORY,
FIRST MEETING

Upon first waking, I did not [immediately] recall last night praying to Our Lord that I would be allowed to help the souls in purgatory, that my ministry FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE would be to them, and that I would be able to COMMUNICATE with them.

I have been praying for them fervently in the last few days at the exclusion of almost all else.

This prayer was rewarded immediately by the first meeting with E.F. in purgatory! HE IS NOT IN HELL AS I FEARED!

[DREAM:] I see a scene outdoors similar to the front yard of my aunt and uncle right by the stone fence (Connecticut) and there is a man down there sitting and toying with a camera. There seems to be a man in front of him, but I don’t see the other man. Maybe he is going to take a picture of this other man with his camera.

The first man I KNOW is E.F. He doesn’t look like E.F. in his prime, but in his forties with a pockmarked, weather-beaten face and has on a dull red and blue checked flannel shirt.

From what I know of him I get dressed to get him to notice me, or to be more correct, I APPEAR and that is as an island girl; a wrap around skirt so he can see high up to the covered crotch area. I have my arms up on a branch above my head and am gazing at him tempting him to speak to me. He is so preoccupied with what he is doing he hardly notices me. His mind is still on that man. I must do something else.

I go into the clearing to a dirt area and start to dance a graceful dance to Scheherazade, my top showing. I seem to be bare yet breasts are covered. I know he is going to wonder what a girl is doing here in the middle of nowhere, without an audience, dancing to Scheherazade, but I do it anyway.

He does look at me, but only out of curiosity. I pick up from him he wonders what I am doing and why. He still will not speak to me. I must do more.

Now I hear a drumbeat off in the distance, a Tahitian type beat, and although it is not distinct or loud, I begin to dance with all my effort. My dance experience on earth has helped. At this point I have on a scarlet turkey boa around my hips and the hip movement and exertion are tremendous.

At last he is stimulated, enlivened. He makes a move TOWARD me

and the next thing I know we are out together at a restaurant.

In this conversation we are having he seems to be having a problem UNDERSTANDING WHAT WAS WRONG WITH SEX.

I try to explain this to him. At the table are several young men sitting with us who are annoying and interfering but I pay no attention and concentrate on E.F..

E.F. has now told me all about his life and multiple sex experiences and I PAINSTAKINGLY explain to him what is wrong with sex. The only problem in logic is that I am a young island girl, yet I am speaking words of wisdom and experience. I must also be careful not to be strident or preachy, but charming and nice. His confession is told with much flair and I admit to him that I have been through many such similar experiences. I then lovingly touch his arm and explain to him the EVILS of sex.

He doesn’t understand what was wrong with it. I give him the teachings of St. Thomas—what lust does TO THE MIND. I say in so many words:

“When you have sex desire the mind is filled WITH A DARK CLOUD. It affects your reasoning power, and the more often you commit the act the more you lose control over yourself. It becomes a force of habit, and although you feel guilt and remorse each time it has a stronger and stronger hold on you and becomes a vice.”

He seems to be saying:

“You must be kidding,” but an old girlfriend of mine from grammar school days, Sonia, suddenly appears to my right and says that it’s true. She is as I last remember her at age fourteen.

E.F. says: “ But everything in life is a habit,”

But I say:

“Yes, but this is a BAD habit, and it crowds out the time you have for good habits,” etc.

He is still confused. He does not understand his downfall, the wrongness of sins of the flesh and the effect they have on the soul, as if he is hearing these things FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE!

I seem to now move more directly in front of him rather than to the right side where I’ve been. The waitress brings the food. His and mine are slightly different. It is Island food, not fancy. He has several sweet potatoes on his plate, a bit dry looking, and my food is also on the dry side! I have WHITE RICE and WHITE BREAD, a few other things. We both have good variety. I am tempted to say “There is nothing here I can eat,” but then recall what the Lord said: To eat anything that is put before you when visiting, and resolve to go back on my diet AFTER the visit.

The feeling here is that he is treating me and we are on a date. He used to be a millionaire and I suspect he still likes to act like one.

MEETING MORE SOULS

In another scene I am being introduced to people—meeting lots of new people.

A man introduces me to his wife. I shake hands respectfully with her but she holds her hand way up as if for me to kiss and the man says: “You may kiss her hand.” This embarrasses me as he didn’t tell me ahead of time and I feel I’ve made a faux pas. Then I kiss her hand with much love, and this moves her so much she wants to kiss mine, but is too proud to do so.

She says: “Some day I will kiss your hand.”

I say something like: “When I grow in stature.” which is an excuse for her.

She is much made up, red hair.

I go into the dressing room where I am being prepared for something. A lot of these people have heard about me. This is like the personal appearance of a celebrity. They have seen me in magazines and now I must show myself, get nicely dressed and bring out the magazines or something. Getting ready is the last thing I recall.

ANALYSIS:

This dream, like many spiritual experience dreams, shows what really happened between myself and E.F. during the past night in sense-image or SYMBOLIC material. Obviously, we did not contact on another through physical senses, since he has none. The meeting was purely mental/spiritual. But one cannot explain in terms of this earth a mental/spiritual experience EXCEPT IN EARTHLY TERMS; therefore, the dream metaphor.

The dream clearly explains why E.F. was not condemned harshly for his sins of sex: ignorance.

He did not realize they were sins, and although he has been in purgatory for a full twenty-two years at the time of our meeting, yet he is saved.

My Highest also reminds me of the sufferings of E.F. which no doubt cleansed his soul: The loss of beauty, physical debility, lawsuits which caused tremendous pain and embarrassment, loss of all his assets and betrayal by his best friend at a crucial time, etc. He also did a lot of nice things for people—but that is not emphasized in his biographies, which concentrate on the bad and the scandalous. Think of all the women he helped financially. Writing his autobiography (which he didn’t have to do) was also a deterrent to his way of life to many of those who have read it.

For those who are taught good Catechism when they are little this is a deterrent to later sins. E.F. did not have such and education, and his rambunctious, outgoing and adventurous personality made him susceptible to sins of the flesh, which he committed. He could have learned right from wrong form religion later on, but usually once the die is cast in youth it is difficult to change.

Having to show him the LOWER part of my body to get his attention shows that that’s where his mind is still at. He remained on the genital level and died in that state of mind. My job is to bring him THE LIGHT OF TRUTH—begin dissipating the darkness of his mind contaminating him on this level.

E.F. didn’t understand his problem as a behavior pattern or mental attitude, but rather saw his sex life as a series of incidents having meaning and purpose. He saw them as unrelated incidents, but they were only one incident repeated over and over again, like smoking cigarettes over and over. He had to be ILLUMINATED on this point.

E.F.’s dilemma of improper relationship to women is seen in his trying to find CONSOLATION by thinking of a man—some friend, no doubt. He did not relate to women as friends but as OBJECTS. Now in purgatory, he does not need those objects since he has no body. Yet when I appear to him as a woman I have to appear in the way he liked them—the way he could RELATE to them. Obviously I am having trouble getting his attention because he wouldn’t gain any consolation now by thinking of women in sexual terms (the only way he could relate to them.) That is why I have so much TROUBLE.

But in terms of E.F.’s life, my appearance hearkens back to a more idealistic time in his life—his years in New Guinea when he was not yet too hardened against women. He admits that his first “wife” in New Guinea got him started with leaving a long line of dowries to women. He was free and happy here, relatively speaking and perhaps dedicated his autobiography to this first bride, a black woman whom I may have resembled by my dancing.

The food we ate together is a LOVE FEAST similar to Holy Communion. It’s form—100% carbohydrates, white rice, white bread, reminds one of marriage and a communion supper—one and the same. Attendants are no doubt guardian angels.

My Highest says at this point; “You will hear from him again. He will dwell on what you told him.”

THE OTHER SOULS:

This clearly depicts that I am meeting/ministering to other souls at the same time as E.F..

I will not be aware until much later—4/13/82—the proud redhead is my former mentor, Rev. Verna Talbot. I could have guessed, but I didn’t. She will appear again later in this disguise and will be the first to be delivered, ahead of E.F..

It must be understood at this meeting with the souls I have no idea what a ministry to purgatory is. Although I did assist my Grandmother and ancestors to deliverance in November 1979, it was by accident. I was praying for souls when she appeared to me, and ancestors, ready to ascend into eternity. I had no idea that I was bringing this about, nor that they were in purgatory!

With E.F. and these others it is different. This is a concerted effort with mystical contact.

Verna Talbot’s pride is shown by herself giving me her hand, while Christ her spouse guides me to see it. She cannot humble herself—cannot reciprocate my love, while I make excuses for her behavior.

Apparently I have been introduced to these souls in purgatory that I will be making reparation for them—so therefore, I am like a celebrity appearing to them. I am being prepared, or preparing to serve them as seen in the dressing room.

My Highest says: “Your preparation is your spiritual works. Shopping for the best indulgences will give you the most for your prayers. Learning to acquire the greatest amount of treasure for them, you become the beneficiary of the same.”

There are “witnesses” within this dream which are “annoying, interfering,” thoughts of E.F., seen as young men. These are the thought he grew up with, interfered with his development. On my side of the argument is a solitary innocent witness confirming the good of chastity—my own background early in life? These may be termed negative and positive witnesses.

10/11/81 Sunday

SPEAKING WITH ERROL FLYNN

Just a little earlier conversed with E.F. He thanked me for dedicating my meal to him and calls me “My sweet.”

I asked him if I had been talking too much and he says:

“I like to hear you talk. We have so few visitors down here.” He told me that I was his first good visitor that this is the first time he has spoken to a person earth to purgatory directly.

After a while he was crying and thanked me for the meal. I said it was an honor to be a part of him, and a few other nice things, and he said:

“It seems like an eternity down here.”

I reminded him that it will end. I said a real good rosary for him, asking Jesus for a plenary indulgence and since yesterday have received three Eucharists.

E.F. embraced me and kept saying how sorry he was that he had never had spiritual relationships with women while on earth. I consoled him by saying that it was practically impossible; even I have problems having spiritual relationships with men—that he will make up for all that in eternity.

I joked with him about liking young girls.

“DON’T JOKE ABOUT THAT! I’M SORRY FOR MY SINS!” he said.

Another time in gratitude, he said he would help me with my acting if I decided to study (this won’t happen till late ’84).

I asked him to help me with chastity and he said, sadly:

“I will help you with your acting,” then glumly he added, “You’ll be alright on the other, it’s almost gone.”

I asked him how it was that he still didn’t understand the evils of sex, and he just said:
“I don’t want to even think about that. I just want to think of how much I love you.”

In our last big embrace before I said the rosary he said:

“Mother, mother, I love you, I love you.” He hugged me (mentally) very lovingly, so dejected, with his head on my chest, and he said:

“I want to put my head on your bosom and cry.”

He cried much, and it was out of love.

Later, he made me promise not to forget him. During the rosary I called on Jesus and Mary, Padre Pio, the apostles and discipline by name. Then I reminded them of all of E.F.’s sufferings, naming them, as E.F. had plaintively said to me before:

“I SUFFERED SO MUCH.”

I asked Jesus for the plenary indulgence for E.F. and saw a blue light flash by his head (the picture of The Sacred Heart on my wall).

I have been studying up on indulgences—how to get the most out of them every day.

After praying to Padre Pio I asked for a SIGN that they would help E.F., and later, after forgetting about the sign, heard and then say FLYING GEESE flying south! (The first and only time I have seen this phenomenon outside my window in Brooklyn, NY) This means E.F., as they are, is going to a better place!

I prayed for E.F.’s beauty to be restored. I praised him much for his gifts of charm and acting ability, and he said:

“WHY DON’t THEY REMEMBER ME?” (his fans)

I consoled him saying that so few people understand the dogma of purgatory and those who do don’t even know he is there or may not be able to contact him even if they did know. I said if people KNEW he was down there and needed help, they would surely help him.

His personality is very romantic and charming. When I complimented him on his charm, he said:

“LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME.”

This was the day the Light told me to take off my jacket—a thickly padded boy’s jacket. I did, the priest was befuddled by my figure and apparently in honor of it gave me two Eucharists! I also stayed for another mass in honor of E.F..

He also said he wanted to make up for those men who treated me so badly, saying:

“They were so unkind to you.”

We watched TV mass together (I was not feeling well) and when it came time to make the “peace be with you” sign he kissed my hand solemnly.

He keeps telling me throughout the day not to forget him. I keep telling him how can I, when he keeps reminding me?

Then I look to Jesus and ask him not to forget E.F., and He says how can He forget when I keep reminding him?

I heard a voice saying, “THIS IS VERY PLEASING TO THE LORD.”

He also told me that he doesn’t know much about theology, God, religion, and when I asked him why he said:

“Unfortunately, there are no books here.”

And so, I gave him a lesson in theology. He keeps falling on my chest and pressing his head on my heart and saying:

“Oh, comfort me, console me,” and listens intently while I say things, not interrupting. Speaking of losing his beauty he said:

“Oh, that was terrible. When I was good looking I had so many beautiful women, and when I started losing my beauty it became more and more difficult. Soon they only wanted me for my money.” As he says these things I can feel his emotion, pain and anguish.

Several times he said he is getting to love me more and more. I joked, saying: “You only love me for my light and prayers,” but he insisted he loves all of me.

After a while, the thought came to me that God has given me this ministry as the greatest tool toward my own sanctification.

10/12/81 Monday

DREAM ABOUT GETTING ERROL FLYNN
THE BLOOD OF CHRIST
FROM THE “BLOOD BANK”

I ordered a bottle of wine at the bank, thinking it would cost a little over ten dollars, but it was forty-four or forty-five. It seemed like a lot, but I ordered it, and was amazed how EASY it was. All I had to do was say I wanted it and it was given to me. This wine was for a special person and it was a celebration for that person.

MEANING: This was the Litany of the Precious Blood which I recited for E.F. yesterday and continuously in the day, “BLOOD OF CHRIST, inebriate him, BLOOD OF CHRIST invigorate him,” etc. etc.

The celebration is his newly facilitated union with Christ and also our friendship. I had no idea how much time and energy I would be spending on this union, and that is what is implied by the cost, yet all I need do is ask in prayer, and E.F. gets help—and that is a remarkable thing.

QUESTIONS TO AND ANSWERS FROM MY HIGHEST. (My Highest means the super-intellect or the highest part of the intellect which is usually unconscious, but available to a mystic who has opened up that pathway.)

“Is there any significance in the fact that his first successful movie was Captain Blood?”

“It meant he would be saved, but at the cost of much suffering.”

“How is it that movies, books, records and other significant projects of people coincide with what is going on in their lives?”

“God measures everything and He marks the way. His markers are symbols.” (I see a picture of a deep ocean, with a marker ‘sounding’ the depth.)

DREAM ABOUT CATCHING FISH (SOULS)

Dreamed I was reading the newspaper in the sports section all about fish and fishing tournaments. There was an article about a man who won every tournament you could think of—caught every fish on the list! Right after that I noticed a couple of letters to the editor from admirers of this man praising him for winning all these tournaments.

MEANING: This for certain is about Jesus Christ, whose redemptive powers made it possible for all people (the fish) to be saved.

DREAM ABOUT OUR LORD PLAYING THE PART OF A “FOOL”

Right next to the fish article I see a picture of a man with a bandana around his middle. He is wearing a see-through chemise, and he does two different acts with these banana earrings dangling from his ears, the second earring more incredible than the first. It seems there is something mysterious or beyond the comprehension of the audience in this picture.

He is Chinese, and also has this incredible jewel at his side—a ring which is either little or huge, depending on which angle you look at it, and it is encrusted with diamonds. One end of the ring is super huge, the other little.

The look on his face is one of intense suffering, yet the audience sees him as a buffoon. The garment he is wearing also makes him an object of ridicule, people thinking he is in drag, maybe gay.

MEANING: This second part depicts the Passion of Christ, by which primarily we have all been saved. It shows Christ as an object of ridicule for his acceptance (passive like a woman) of such awful suffering.

Yesterday I made the Way of the Cross and pictures taken from a mosaic in the booklet I followed depicted Christ with popped eyes. This scene I used as scene-image material—which is material taken from one’s daily life and experience to use for something else—a story being depicted here. (Sometimes sense-image material is totally unrelated to the story it is used for.)

People looked at Christ as a fool during his Passion. This was one of his greatest suffering—to be looked upon as a clown instead of being appreciated for what He was doing.

Banana earrings are symbol for people looking upon our Lord as “bananas,” or crazy. That’s why the earrings, close to the head, point out it has to do with intellect. The other jewel, the one at his side, has to do with his Sacred Heart—an inestimable jewel. It can be either little or big, depending on how much grace one is able to draw from his infinite treasure. If one has a bad disposition, one draws little or nothing—therefore, it would look smaller.

The symbol Chinese means to my symbol system one who is of a higher world; the ascended. St. Gertrude the Great called Christ, in her Revelations, (Christian Classics) “O Orient from on high.”

DREAM ABOUT LOVING E.F. THE PROPER WAY

I see a husband and wife. The wife says to the husband:

“I love you the way you are,” and then a little later says:

“Honey, don’t you think you ought to see a doctor? You haven’t got any muscles!”

I see the husband hanging on a cross, arms down, thin, but not emaciated. There is some firmness to him. Then the wife is sorry and says:

“Oh, I didn’t mean that, I love you as you are.”

MEANING: This has to do with the proper attitude toward loving E.F. We discussed it and I had to strike the proper balance between not loving him for his former physical self nor pitying him for his present helplessness. Compassion is not “pity” but active love. Compassion does something for the unfortunate, and there is joy and confidence in that, not hopeless pity. I must love E.F. in exactly that state he is in, without looking down at him—without feeling a false kind of sorrow.

TALKING WITH E.F.: I asked yesterday of E.F. about when he was alive, why he didn’t help the souls in purgatory and he said because he didn’t understand the principle and I then said:

“So you see—the way you didn’t understand most people don’t understand.”

My highest said, “Yes, now that they are in purgatory they see and feel the loneliness, which on earth they were not aware of. They don’t even understand theology (according to what kind of knowledge they had in life, most not understanding it) and they just feel their own pain and wonder why anyone isn’t coming to help them. They think about people, old friends, and can’t reach them, and wish and hope someone would do something, and they wait and wait. It is pain they feel, but understanding they rarely have.

E.F. said:

“Yes, now I feel it. Now that there is nothing else.” He adds, “I helped so many women. Why don’t they help me now?”

He intimated to my mind that he was not evil to women, just sick, sick with his sex desires. He also did a great deal of nice things for women, supported them, bought them many nice presents, did a lot of kind things, was very generous. He could not attain to spiritual friendships because of his sickness and reminded me of my own state, similar to his—not so long ago.

I asked E.F. what I should call him, for a pet name—and he said soberly, “CAPTAIN BLOOD.”

I said a few nice things to him and mentioned heaven and he said:

“MY HEAVEN IS CONTEMPLATING YOU.”

10/13/81 Tuesday

DREAM EXPLAINING OUR BLESSED MOTHER
BROUGHT ERROL FLYNN TO ME
& PREPARED ME TO HELP HIM

I saw a little boy on a chair in my kitchen who seemed asleep—an infant. His mother was at my sink washing the dishes, making them spotless, and she washed not only the dishes but the surrounding area clean and SPOTLESS.

She filled all my glasses, tall ones that I don’t even have in real life, and short ones—all kinds—with water at the sink. It amazed me how CLEAN she was able to make things for me!

I go over to her little child and put my hand over it, for it to be comforted. It is so little, and in its sleeping or unconscious state starts squeezing my hand and sucking it as if it were a breast, and I squeeze the child to comfort it. I realize the child is hungry, but for some reason the mother is not feeding it, but washing my dishes.

I go over to my oven, open it, and in a white ceramic pot I have about three pounds of fish piled up. I show it to the mother and say:

“I would like to give the child some of this fish. It is GOOD and I will make sure I take the bones out.”

She seems worried about the fish—seems to think it’s a bit dry. This fish seems to have been baked without water, but she consents. I take out a piece, then a little piece, thinking maybe that was too much and he won’t accept or like it, then change my mind again and take more and put it on one of my small white plates.

In the next scene I am resting. It is the middle of the night, and glancing into the small bedroom I can see through the gold curtain hanging that the child is sleeping there. (This reminds me of when I absentmindedly told E.F. he should spend his purgatory in my apartment.) There is a soft light there, and all seems tranquil. I am wondering if the mother is with the child, but I can see only the infant.

In a little while I get a telephone call. It is from the management of the building. The manager asks me about these new people here—are they going to stay or what? I tell him that I don’t see why not.

He, like most management, is worrying about the inconvenience to all concerned, and he says:
“This Indian woman (from India) and her husband and child are a problem. She just got through arguing with me down here. Maybe you better not let them stay.”

But I tell him that the child is not bothering anything. I do not know much about the mother—why she left the child or anything, and was wondering why she wasn’t with the child, but I tell him not to worry about it.

MEANING: This dream shows E.F. as the son of Our Blessed Mother, and she brings him to me to be a surrogate mother.

This depicts the principle that we on earth—not the saints in heaven—are responsible for the souls in purgatory. Only the living can make reparation. The next life ends the time for merit, and reparation can be made only in time and space.

At the time I dream this, this doctrine is not clear to me. One would think Our Blessed Mother or Jesus would simply whisk the souls in purgatory out of there, but a debt has to be paid. We on earth can pay it in atonement to God. God himself has left his infinite merits, but it is for us to unlock them by our acts of reparation, which are then transmitted to the poor souls.

The dream also shows the conflict or question of whether I am willing to make reparation. The manager is sort of “devil’s advocate” and tries to dissuade me.

This again shows how God is looking for willing “victims” of reparation or the suffering that goes with true love. I don’t see it as suffering at all because I really love E.F.—and that is true of all lovers. They cannot bear the thought of NOT helping.

The beginning of the dream hearkens back to the many graces Our Blessed Mother has infused me with. She has both cleansed me and particularly recently (October 5th) infused me with the virtues of poverty, chastity and obedience. She has made me a SPOTLESS INSTRUMENT or VESSEL—seen in the glasses. The symbol of glasses is good two ways—they hold water or grace, and you can see through them, which is to say no obstacle to the light of grace. In this ministry the higher ups use US—they prepare US to help souls and they do not usually help them directly.

E.F. is seen as child of God and asleep in the Lord. The three fish piled up are three Holy Communions I received the previous day—wondering how many of them I should dedicate to E.F.

(Early in my ministry I was uncertain of how much one must put into an individual soul, how much one must dedicate to souls in general. Later on I learned that it is usually best to dedicate all to the one soul at a time you are working on. If you have mental communion with one, as I did with E.F., then throw all of yourself into that soul.)

Another symbol is the curtain there, which is the veil that separates this world from the next. I am permitted now to pierce that veil in vision.

[HOW I COMMUNICATE WITH E.F.]

It would be good to state at this time how I communicate with E.F.—how I pierce this veil. I cannot explain except that it is the grace of God. By God’s grace E.F.’s mind and mine become as one. We are inside each other’s space.

Other than that—I cannot communicate with either E.F. nor anyone else at will. My gift is not that of a natural psychic, and I don’t think any natural (or demonic) psychic can penetrate the veil of purgatory with true accuracy. This type of ministry is something that happens through prayer and love. When one sees into purgatory, or into any person one is helping, it is not through séances, wishful thinking, or any act of human will. It is truly by the will of God, and the mental abilities come through God—they are supernatural, not natural. Remember I PRAYED for this to happen. When it was over—the job was done—I could no longer communicate with E.F. except at special times.

10/14/81 Wednesday

THOUGHTS ABOUT MY NEW MINISTRY TO PURGATORY
AND CONVERSATIONS WITH ERROL FLYNN

Took the book Two Lives of E.F. off the shelf to get my mind on E.F. He told me not to read the part about where he did things to those two girls, but to read what his wives did to him.

I am improving in my conversations with him and he said:

“You are getting more confident with me,” and later, “I am beginning to feel a little better.” He said it feels like an eternity there, as they have no conception of time.

INCREASE OF CONFIDENCE: After receiving Holy Communion today I looked up at the huge replica of Christ’s Body on the Cross in my church and confidence flooded my soul. Instead of thinking of OUR part, the sin, and the horror of suffering I became more aware of HIS POWER AND MERCY—what HE had done, not what we have done.

E.F. was right. I did not have enough confidence before. Now his captivity does not seem so DEPRESSING and awful, as my hope is stronger. I can see clearly how this hope and confidence IS A POWER WHICH RELEASES THE POWER OF CHRIST INTO WHATEVER WE ARE HOPING FOR whereas the opposite—fear—creates an obstacle.

Talking to E.F. about his release, he said: “All my hopes are in you.”

Yes, it is my job to constantly draw upon the MERCY of God, upon Mary, the angels and saints, to help E.F., until he is released. When I started this ministry I did not know all these things.

Now I see—God is giving me certain souls in purgatory just as He gave me certain underprivileged children, and certain kinds of sinners to help. I recall during the work with youth my efforts to get certain ones out of jail, into my custody.

I can see how all my other work led up to this, a great and supreme ministry. One must be perfect for this—one cannot err—there is no ROOM for it.

The world is fading away now, and all my attachment to people in it. On earth, basically it’s every man for himself. Help is available to all. Some do not want it—others do and can’t find it, but at least are gaining merit. In purgatory there is NOTHING—no natural way to find help, no gaining merit.

It is so easy to hurt the souls.

E.F. is explaining to me the things that hurt him as we go along. They are helpless; stripped of their bodies their intellects are totally bared. You have to be careful in choosing your conversation; no joking about sin, no kidding around about the vain. On earth there is a large margin for error—here there is none. All error is noticed at once and felt.

On earth the mortal is immersed so much in untruth—here all vanity is gone. They cannot see all truth (that would be the Beatific Vision), yet they sense instantly when something is wrong and it gives them pain. The things we laugh about on earth (even through nervous tension, not malice), evoke sadness and pain in a soul of E.F.’s condition.

To help E.F. I am striving to increase my faith, hope, charity and confidence—as I must build up these things IN HIM. As we are two minds in one, my increase to his increase. It is an instant transmission of merit—like salutary blood going into one body.

In communing with E.F. I am walking on eggshells. It’s a tightrope—one move in either direction, away from the truth, and I hurt him. He is keeping my vision, my course, my thoughts and direction on a steady keel.

I cannot MESS AROUND IN VAIN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS. This also hurts him and he tells me. He likes it when I write about him, when I do anything on his behalf there is more contact; he feels better, he is not alone.

In purgatory the soul has nothing but intellect and spirit. There is no physical alleviation as on earth. All relief must be spiritual and intellectual. That is not an easy ministry for an earthling to facilitate, since we are used to using so many physical devices to help someone.

So therefore, I am learning how to alleviate through intellect and spirit. I am weeding out tendencies otherwise, and practicing spiritual. Pure love and nothing else—that is what they need. To keep this love flowing constantly you have to constantly condition and rechannel yourself.

You cannot correct or chastise a soul in purgatory—to do so only causes them more pain. THEY ARE AWARE OF THEIR SINS. THEY ARE SORRY FOR THEM.

It would not be right for us to torture them by accusing them of their sins—the time for that is gone. On earth chastisement and correction are a necessary part of development, but in purgatory to remind them of their sins is meaningless torture.

We are surrogate Christs WHO HELP CARRY THE CROSS FOR THE OTHER SOUL. It is reparation, not accusation. It is bearing pain, not inflicting it. In all the increases of faith, hope and charity I mentioned, although I am not feeling pain per say, it is WORK, and work has always some discipline involved.

Our love for them must be true, not sentimental or mushy. It must be love in action, not a patronizing pity. They are pitiful if none on earth loves them. But if someone does—you—they are no longer to be pitied. They are getting help by your masses, prayers and sacrifices. Don’t pity—love.

My discipline is being developed. Without discipline you cannot do these souls much good. It is a complete discipline of the spirit, mind and body. I must curb myself constantly. If I did not curb myself how could I help someone who is being punished for not curbing himself in life?

E.F. FEELS it when I do wrong, when I fall, indulge or fail to make sacrifices. It takes discipline just to REMEMBER these souls! When there is no physical contact or evidence, how do you keep your MIND on them? That is discipline itself. It is a contemplative mystical ministry. I can see why Mary infused me with poverty, obedience and chastity just before this started. Without these I would be tied to the world and I must be tied only to the next.

This ministry gives me a focal point, makes me constantly tear myself away from vain activity and focuses my mind on the eternal. I am becoming innumerably spiritually RICH by this ministry.

E.F.: E.F. complained how he had wasted his life. He could have helped so many people while he was living. I reminded him that when he reaches heaven he’ll be able to help lots of people, and he said:

“THAT’S LOOKING AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THINGS.”

Later I told him how lucky he was having been sued by those two girls and all the other things he went through as that shortened his time in purgatory and again he repeated his first statement.

I added:

“Just think—if you hadn’t suffered so much, you might have been lost.”

Sometimes when I ask him things I draw a blank. He simply doesn’t know many things even about himself and the little advice I ask for myself is often very difficult for him. My light (Highest) said that in that state they are very underprivileged and are so in need they can give very little. Besides, E.F.’s gift was not one of intellect, which is another reason I draw blanks.

I asked my light about E.F. losing his beauty and it said:

“Drugs, booze and broads. Dissipation. His conscience convicted him. He was sick and he knew it, and unless there was some kind of deterrent he would have been done for spiritually. Losing his looks was part of the solution. In that sense, he allowed his own dissipation.”

10/15/81 Thursday

ST. TERESA OF AVILA

ERROL FLYNN MAKES LOVE TO ME!

PRELIMINARY DREAM: First I see a man sitting on the stoop of a building next to mine, with his wife and children. He is pale, wearing a sort sleeved white shirt, and I think of him as the super of my building.

He looks anemic and weak, but has a peaceful look about him. The children are there in spirit only. I come up to him and say:

“Can you paint my apartment again? It’s been four years.”

He thinks, then says:

“Only two bedrooms.” I sense that this work on the two rooms would exhaust all his energy. I envision my dark bedroom—the storage one—and I think I will have him make it white, all except the wooded scene covering one wall. Will he have the strength to do the ceiling? Perhaps he could. The other room is not so bad.

DREAM: E.F. and I go to a motel room, which I feel is private—later find out is not so private.

E.F. is on top of me on a bed and seems to have been making love to me for a long time. He is kissing me very ardently with French kisses, but there is nothing gross or vulgar about this; the feeling is one of the essences of love.

I have had my eyes closed, but his are open. After a while mine open and we gaze into each other’s eyes, and this stimulates both of us more. His eyes are light green, but are so close things are a bit blurred.

As soon as our eyes meet this overwhelming feeling overtakes both of us—call it communication—and I begin to take a more active part in this lovemaking. I start kissing him in ways he never knew about, French kisses, and in spite of all this that has been going on my breath seems very fresh and clean and tasting and smelling good. My tongue is extremely important here.

Right after this I become aware that my hands are downstairs where his penis would be, although I do not feel his penis. There is no sensation in that department of myself or of him. When he notices my hands are down there he reaches down and pulls out his balls which have been underneath and draws them out and places them in my hands. After a while something seems not quite right, but he doesn’t say anything, and I say:

“ARE YOU IN PAIN?” His head down on the pillow of the bed, he says “Yes.”

He was trying to ENDURE the pain. Now I immediately stop. He is totally exhausted, empty, and is lying on his back, naked, body white, and I am joking with him about being “a bad boy” and playfully spanking his behind.

He says nothing, is listening, but can do nothing—like a man totally wasted after three hours of making love. I tease him about a paternity suit making headlines—joking about my suing him. I am also feeling guilty about the sex act. Do I have sperm inside of me? Is this considered a sex act and thereby have I broken my vow of chastity? But while I worry I am also being very loving and affectionate to E.F..

Now I begin to notice the surroundings. We are at the gas station by the diner, in the office, on a little bed surrounded by picture windows and these black women—one in particular, motioning to me that I have to get back to work.

This woman is saying in gestures that “in FIVE minutes you will be ON,”—meaning my dancing show. I guess I have been on a break. She has been standing outside, waiting, and muttering under her breath, calling me names. She is tremendously mean, and I assume her job is to remind me to get back to work. She is all black with long straight hair tied behind her head, and there is a feeling of hate from her.

I am very apologetic. I guess I’ve been on a break and didn’t notice the time. I break away from E.F. and look for my slippers (the new black ones, I’m glad I don’t have the old green ones anymore) and I will rush back to work.

MEANING: This first part shows E.F. and I symbolically as husband and wife. Children “in spirit” will be those we are destined to help (bear) together. These are FRUITS OF LOVE.

He is pale, anemic, of good will (white shirt), which is his condition of weakness and lack of spiritual blood in purgatory.

This vision hearkens back to the time in the day WHEN I ASKED E.F. TO HELP ME. It was just an off-the-cuff request, something said as a prayer out of habit more than anything. He took me seriously!

The second part shows the act of love actually being consummated between myself and E.F. What is depicted graphically in sensual terms was an act of spirit and words (the tongue being very important.) Rich in symbols, the dream actually visualizes mundane physical actions—which however, on the inside, produced RICH results. For instance, the eye contact is mental communion—how we mean un- or semi-conscious, while open and staring into each other—more conscious. In fact, we are so close mentally, the dream depicts we BLUR into each other. This is the union of minds, occupying the same space.

The dream shows the love that passed between E.F. and myself the preceding day. It shows the physical surroundings where our union took place—outside, during a walk through a park to a distant shopping center where I had to pass the gas station mentioned. I was TALKING to E.F. the whole way. It was the first time I took a significant walk since being mentally united to him. It was like an outing together—us being outside together, not private, for a change.

The dream also shows my severe guilt and the person who caused it—my mother—seen as a demonic woman. Not only am I guilty about having sex, but having AFFECTION! In other words, my mother left, within my own mind, a complex, which drove me to constant work, and which forbade me interiorly to have love, sex or affection.

This feeling of guilt pervaded me throughout my whole ministry to E.F. because I ENJOYED IT SO MUCH! I kept hearing inside me a thought saying that I was dilly-dallying—that I must get back to WORK! But this was the highest, most sublime work I could have done!

Love is work—especially when it is to a soul in purgatory!

My mother was a TASKMAKER who made me feel throughout my life that I was created to work. I was not encouraged to date or socialize—I was UNDESERVING of the consolation of affection and love. So severe was this complex that it carries over to my work for souls in purgatory!

The WORK that I was driven to was religious work—praying, writing. I was driven from task to task—my dead mother still a “demonic” part of my mind! And when I felt LOVE and AFFECTION from even a disembodied soul in purgatory, because it was PLEASURE, I felt guilty.

TALKING WITH E.F.: After I woke up I said to E.F.:

“Thank you for making love to me. It was wonderful.” He was real excited and said:

“DID YOU REALLY LIKE IT? I GAVE YOU MY ALL.”

I assured him over and over again how much I liked it and how grateful I was, and he was ecstatic with joy.

Since last night I am able to see better the generous side of E.F. Yesterday doubts passed through my mind. Before I asked him to help me, I was thinking: “Maybe he will do to me what he did to all those women—get what he wants and then leave me behind, going to heaven and not helping me or caring about me.

Oh well, so what? Whatever he does, grateful or not, I must save him from this purgatory. This is what GOD wants. This is why God gave me this ministry. It isn’t for my earthly pleasure or personal gain. He must have READ MY MIND and answered my doubts. My soul also said: in his defense:

“75% of the women E.F. had sex with were not attractive by his standards. It was out of his generosity or charity that he gave them his body—to accommodate THEIR wants. In the beginning he mostly made love to only the women he was attracted to. But after a while, when he became RICH and FAMOUS, his reputation as a lover increased, women wanted to USE him as a stepping stone. They figured that by making love with him he would do something for them.

They asked HIM to have sex by their actions. Going to him, being there, making themselves available under circumstances, which he could not refuse, they were asking him to have sex.

In the beginning, it was not such a strain on him. But after a while it became a HABIT just like anything else—he was hooked. It is important to remember that it was not E.F. who forced himself on these women, but they who placed themselves at his disposal in order to get ahead and prove their point—that E.F., the great star and lover, wanted THEM.

Our relationship has made much progress from the beginning, when I had to appear as a native girl three times in a row before he would talk to me. Today he said:

“You have done much to give me courage.”

Yes, they need courage in purgatory. I’ve been working real hard today to charge him up.

Regarding his boat, E.F. said:

“I FELT SO FREE THERE.”

My soul (Highest) said it was his way of escaping the pressures of life, all his problems. He always saw a boat and the sea as a refuge since he was little and grew up by the water spending some of his happiest times there. He suffered more than he would ever admit to anyone; work, women, all the situations. His gaiety, charm, these were inborn traits. His talents were weapons to get ahead along in life. His talents did not give him peace of mind or inner joy, only made people think he was having fun all the time, (and people hate you when they think you are always happy, irresponsible, immoral, etc), and so, he was hated by many, especially men.

He was desired by women, but for the wrong reasons. These people did not satisfy his longing for true love. His lust made it impossible for him to relate to a woman in any way but sexually, so that left a great gap in his life. Even those who might have given him some satisfaction, he couldn’t receive it—his mind wasn’t with it.

I asked E.F., “How did it feel when you were carousing with your friends?”

He said:

“I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME, BUT I WASN’T.” I hear him crying, and he adds, “I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE.”

Yes, TIME. The thought of all the time they misused and wasted, committing sins and faults instead of doing good, gives them much pain. I myself am more than ever conscious of the treasure of TIME. In purgatory all one can do is sit and wait.

He also said:

“THEY ALSO TAUGHT ME TO BE A MACHO MAN, BUT THAT DOESN’T HELP ONE’S SPIRITUAL DEVELPMENT.” He was extremely sad over this.

This is definitely a ministry in reverse. He is teaching me as I minister to him. How would I know how I’m doing unless I had feedback?

That’s why I asked Jesus to have communication with this ministry. Without communication you lose your drive. That’s why it’s so hard for people to serve God—they don’t RELATE to God—they have no communication with God, and this is where a mystic is way ahead. Few people can be mystics because they don’t want to give up the world—and it takes that.

I WOULD RATHER HAVE THIS MINISTRY THAN ANY OTHER IN THE WORLD. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

10/16/81 Friday

CONVERSATIONS WITH ERROL FLYNN

Last night I offered myself to the Lord to pay for E.F.’s sins. My soul said there is little to take away from me but my charity will be increased whereby his delivery can be speeded up. (Note: A month from now, not only my charity, but my pain will be greatly increased as I will slide into the final purging before the mystical marriage, called “dark night of the soul.”)

Talking with E.F. today I asked him how he felt and how I could further help him. He said he was feeling better every day, that what he needed was COURAGE—to remind him of the POWER of God, the GREATNESS of God.

I read to him a passage from Mystical City of God, (Ven. Mary of Agreda, Ave Maria Institute, Washington, NJ 07882.) the Coronation, where the angels tell Mary of the Beloved with Whom She will soon be united for all eternity, and when I finished, E.F. said:

“OH, WHY DIDN’t I KNOW THESE THINGS SOONER?”

I also noticed a passage that pertains to those like him:

“It is well known, that men ordinarily follow these inclinations and passions, unless prevented by special influences.” This is the same as when Bishop Sheen quoted that “dead bodies float downstream.”

I explain to E.F. that I just assumed he knew all about me, as the angels and saints would—but he doesn’t. (Note: Yet I know now that even the ascended do not know all, and we must explain things to them or reveal our minds in order to get their answer.) I understand that I must TELL him certain things about myself, and he says:

“I would love to hear more about you. I love talking with you.”

I am feeling good and ask E.F. about his feelings. He says, “I feel STRANGE. I feel things I’ve never felt before.”

Yes, his consciousness must be changing. The light of God is entering his soul more and more. It is the beginning of REBIRTH.

I found out something very important—how one can get the plenary indulgence for souls every single day, as long as one receives Holy Communion on that day and also prays for the Pope. You have to release all your merits, of your whole life, for the sake of the souls. I did this more than a year ago but forgot about it and also did not know about the plenary indulgence. Now I renewed it with fervor and we will be cooking on all burners. I am saying the rosary everyday for E.F., which makes him very happy.

10/17/81 Saturday

BLESSED MAXIMILLIAN KOLBE
HELPS ME WITH ERROL FLYNN

During the night I made contact with Bl. Maximillian Kolbe. I prayed to him last night and have been carrying a picture of him in my purse for years. He told me how to help E.F.: pay special attention to all the feasts on the calendar, especially Our Mother’s feast days. He showed me the calendar.

His spiritual power is tremendous. I felt as if I was with St. Francis himself. Before I prayed I did not realize that he instituted the Knights of the Immaculate on the 17th of Oct.—which is today, and also that he was beatified on Oct. 17th, 1971, which makes this the tenth anniversary of his beatification. No wonder he was willing to help me!—We get special favors from the angels and saints on their special days.

(Note: Not long after this, Bl. Kolbe was elevated to sainthood.)

E.F.: I asked E.F. how he felt today and he said: “much better,” and that: “I AM GETTING CLOSER TO YOUR HEART.”

He said he FELT more love from me and this brought him closer to my heart—which says a lot for the devotion to The Sacred Heart.

St. Margaret Mary’s feast day was yesterday and I was reading up on her.

I finished reading the book Two Lives of E.F. yesterday. His sufferings were appalling. I don’t know how he made it as long as he did.

A young man saw me reading a book—is a big fan of E.F.’s and started raving about him, but for the wrong reasons—(booze, broads, drugs.) I asked him and several other people I met to pray for E.F.’s soul. This made him happy.

(Note: Looking back, I doubt whether such a person’s prayers would help much, even if he did pray. Disposition in prayer is all important.)

10/19/81 Monday

DREAM THAT EXPLAINS WHILE I AM SUFFERING,
ERROL FLYNN IS IMPROVING

I was with E.F.’s wife and friends. The wife told me she was to meet him; he was picking her up on the street near the Madison Diner. I told her I wanted to see him too (perhaps I don’t even know him), and we go as a group. I am thinking he is so undependable, maybe he won’t show up.

But when we get there, a nice car like a white Cadillac pulls up and E.F. gets out. I sense it was a heroic effort for him to get here to pick up his wife. He looks tall, suave and gallant—not as good as he used to at one time, but much better since the last time I’ve seen him in purgatory.

We are near the Madison Diner. It is night, and as he walks over to us toward the middle of the street I run over to him and impetuously and unexpectedly throw my arms around his neck and start kissing him. He is not strong and startled and I fear the vehemence of my love may overwhelm him and make him pass out. The kisses are getting so fervent, also, that I fear his wife may be getting jealous.

In another dream I am training in the gym—which is also close to the Madison Diner. I am wearing almost black glasses, the kind aviators wear, very macho with no frames. I seem to be strong and very cheerful. My hair is flying. I am doing squats with free weights, 135 pounds, and squatting all the way to the floor, which makes the guys at the gym look at me and comment how strong I am.

Usually this much weight is too much for me to go all the way down with, but here I am doing it, and other exercises as well—breezy, cheerful and smiling. The guys said I had strong thighs.

ANALYSIS: Two dreams explain the same thing. I did not go, in reality, to the gym this day. What I did was PRAY and my prayers were said UNDER DURESS, or in other words, weight on my mind. I have not been feeling well (Note: this is the descent into the dark night beginning) and my spiritual-intellectual vision has been impaired. Yet my attitude is good (breezy, cheerful) so with a good disposition under duress we gather most fruit.

The fruit is shown in the kisses, the vehement love, which I explain I fear might overwhelm E.F. and make him pass out. This is but a symbol—a soul would not pass out in purgatory by love. On E.F.’s side, it also shows his cooperation, which is HEROIC. This ministry is truly a two-way street. E.F. is pouring forth much effort, to project himself to me, as I am trying to project myself to him.

Both communication and love take ENERGY. When we talk through mental telepathy, we project both ways. This is not automatic. It takes STRENGTH. That is why the dream shows E.F. doing his part—showing up to meet his wife, which is in reality myself probably in a lower form, the conscious self, while perhaps my higher self (unconscious) does the actual projection. In the dream E.F. was dressed up and wearing an ascot, which again shows effort and preparation—wanting to look good is wanting to make a good impression.

I used the example of squats because they are considered the most difficult exercise in bodybuilding repertoire. And the most difficult exercise in the spiritual repertoire, so to speak, is to bless God in times of hardship; to project love when one feels pain.

E.F. IS GETTING BETTER!

10/20/81 Tuesday

TALKING WITH ERROL FLYNN

Last night I asked my soul how E.F. was doing and it said well, except he was DESPONDENT because I had not spoken to him all day!

I immediately tuned into E.F. and apologized to him and his voice came in like a tape recorder on super slow, all foggy and out of shape, until it finally sounded normal enough for me to hear him.

He was CRYING and sounded just as he used to when we first started talking real desperate and insecure. I asked him why he was so upset—since grace was reaching him, and wasn’t he getting better?

“IT IS BECAUSE I FELT SO MUCH LOVE FROM YOU LAST NIGHT, WHEN YOU KISSED ME, AND THAT AND OTHER THINGS, AND I HAVE BEEN COMING CLOSER TO YOUR HEART. I LOVE YOU MORE, AND SO NOW FEEL THE LOSS OF YOUR LOVE MORE!”

He said he knew I was praying for him and thinking about him, but he missed my talking—the personal contact.

Today I took his life story book and held it to my heart for five minutes. He exclaimed:

"I FEEL THE BEATINGS OF YOUR HEART. I FEEL YOUR LIFE, AND GOD IS IN YOU! YOUR WHOLE BODY GIVES ME PLEASURE, THE ESSENCE OF YOUR LIFE, AND I WISH I COULD JUST DIE AND BE ENGULFED IN YOUR HEART. I FEEL ENGULFED IN IT, THAT I AM WITHIN YOU. I AM TOTALLY WITHIN YOU," ETC.

This speech of his was made with much emotion. I held the book there about five minutes, until I felt he was totally revived.

DREAMS THAT EXPLAIN HELPING SOULS IN PURGATORY

I went to work in a very large, grand theater where my dressing room is on the third floor, while my work is down about two or three levels.

Before time I set up a display of my pictures in the area where I would be performing so the men could look at them in anticipation. The pictures are where the stage would be. They are all standing around gazing at them. I notice the one where I look like a Madonna, bare-breasted, looking very wistfully and kindly into the camera. These men are very quiet and respectful, but someone in the management tells them to go back to their seats, saying:

“This is not a picture gallery,” and obediently they go back to their seats.

I am walking down as it is nearly show time. Unfortunately, there is a man up here who is giving me a creepy, dangerous feeling. I am wearing a garment which is white and gold, predominantly gold, a skirt with a rubberized top, which I now pull up to hide my breasts. I make a mental note to wear a robe in the future when going downstairs. It is because of the fact that we are all alone here that I am afraid and can’t wait to go down where there are more people.

I start hurrying down, while he stands at the balustrade looking down at me. I descend so quickly that I do not walk, I am in the air and jumping or floating or sailing down when suddenly all becomes black. This man—who is demonic—has by some mysterious force suspended my flight in midair.

I am frightened and try to call out, but in this state I am speechless and nothing comes out. I have no body and no voice. I try several times to call out and several thoughts and names come to mind. Finally, on about the second or third attempt with all my strength I pronounce the name JESUS! not only mentally, but physically, and this wakes me up. As I come out of this state, I have no idea where I am and if I’m alone—but getting my bearings am relieved to see I am alone.

SECOND DREAM: I am out of town, going on a job, and I arrive at this small club or bar where I am supposed to dance about two hours a night. I know I am strong as during most of the week working here I’ve danced two hours nonstop.
Everything here suits me. I am paid by the night. I love work and jobs are scarce. I know these people are poor and cannot afford to pay me more than for two hours of dancing.

The manager apologizes for this place being “a dump,” but I tell him it is fine, I’m very happy to be working, never liked fancy places. He is dressed in a nice three-piece suit, is thin and seems to have long hair.

One night I have a break in the middle of the night. I go to the kitchen, where food is served during the day and now is all locked up. I am hungry and thirsty and I know they won’t mind if I help myself.

As I come into the kitchen, I see a man sitting in a very small booth to the left, almost asleep. I surmise he is one of the help. His skin is yellow and burned-looking and his right arm is withered away or mangled right to the bone. As soon as I enter, he gets very uncomfortable and leaves.

I climb up on the counter to reach on a high-up pantry for food. I don’t understand their system—how they put things away and where, so things are falling when I try to get them. I see an already-pealed orange, and eat half of it, when the manager comes in wanting to help. I climb off the counter and sit with him on my right.

He gets a waitress to serve us. But, strangely, there is no room where we are for anyone to squeeze through—as I am facing the sink, but the waitress is there invisibly, so that is no problem.

I see some toasted rye bread, which appeals to me, but neither this nor the orange are on my diet, since I’m eating almost all protein.

The manager, who is very kind, asks me what I want. I ask him what they have. He gives me a list of things which includes tunafish salad.

“Oh, yea, tuna salad is part of my diet,” I say, and they make me a sandwich with the rye bread and tuna. I think of asking for only the tuna, but then think it’ll be alright this time.

THIRD DREAM: The last dream I am sort of at the same, yet another job. The scene is improved. It is right after my performance, and I'm piddling around, doing little things, thinking it’s a break and not realizing I am finished for the night.

One large room is like a conference room with huge tables, and people—mostly women—are filing in for a meeting. It gives me the feeling of a town meeting to talk about what’s good for the town. This is a small country place, and I am amazed at how many pretty women are here. I am about to say so, but then realize some of the others might get jealous. I then notice some men look rather nice as well and say:

“I am amazed at how many attractive people you have in this town.”

One of the ladies sitting on the left, wearing a dark red bouffant wig, smiles at a man across from her to the right (whom I do not seee,) and says:

“Yea, that’s true.”

She’s admiring the beauty of this one special man. I seam to be sitting at this table at the head by accident, like I just happened to be there before they came in, and since I am not a part of this meeting I now move away and go about my other business.

I am busy doing little things, like getting glasses of water in the bathroom. There is a candle here and an ashtray with a burned-out cigarette, just the stub. I take one of the glasses of water and put it near the display of this plant.

This plant is a huge weed-like plant, like we used to have on the farm I would weed out, and when I didn’t weed it, it would grow about three or four feet tall and have numerous seeds, the seeds falling out all over the place. It looked sort of like a tree, and here has an earthen pot. It is not as unattractive as that weed, but it is certainly no decorative-looking hothouse item.

There is a candle near the plant, and this is what I’m concerned about—that this candle will not scorch the plant, which it seems to have already done. I open a window in back of this to allow a cool breeze in, and the glass of water I put nearby in case things get too hot or a fire starts—I can douse it with the water.

But then I realize I am finished with my work. I go over to my father, who has been sitting by the wall observing the meeting. The feeling is he gave me a ride here and is just sitting peacefully watching. I say:
“Father, why didn’t you tell me I was finished for the night and it’s getting late?”

He looks at his watch and acts like there is nothing to rush about. He seems to be pleased, in a quiet way, with what has been going on.

ANALYSIS: First dream—The pictures (where I have set up a display) are PROJECTED THOUGHTS which I have sent down to the souls ahead of time, before my mystical descent. Someone from the management controlling them, preventing them from enjoying these pictures underlines the purgatorial/chastising state of their mentalities, where they are prevented from having much fun. The fact that first I project THOUGHTS and later DESCEND shows a difference between the two types of contact. The latter is more substantial—astral, etheric or bilocation. The management is no doubt here an angel. Purgatory is also depicted by flights DOWN.

The man that tries to stop me by demonic power establishes the fact that I must fight demonic forces through this ministry. It is another part of my learning process.

Second dream—The bar/club is purgatory. I like working here, I exert myself. Christ tests me to see if I really want this ministry—if I mind doing the work. (The manager with long hair, Christ, is the central character in the ministry to purgatory since they are lifted by his merits which we release.)

The dream establishes the fact that I WANT to be in purgatory and am content with its rewards (which are not lucrative by earthly standards: Christ apologizes for this place being “a dump!”). I am learning how to gain sustenance for them by filling my own soul with grace. This is the use of indulgences. I am working for the souls (shown as dancing), filling myself with grace and light (through Christ) in order to feed them. But this search is a matter of discovery and experimentation. Christ and I are assisted through the ministry of an angel (waitress).

It is interesting to note that the USUAL GATHERING PROCESS FOR FOOD is in the day—“the restaurant is open in the day.” This means I gather light throughout the day through my CONSCIOUS activities. With this spiritual strength I then propel myself down to purgatory, There is the mystical contact, where I “see” what is going on, and the transmission of grace. I am not sure if these happen at one and the same time.

The soul with the mangled arm does not reveal its identity to me—but the fact that it retreats shows it is not one of the souls close to union with God. (It is a fact that the light of God, which is Love, can burn and hurt the soul THAT IS NOT LOVE. That is precisely the purgative state—both on earth and in eternity. )

The orange represents FRUIT or fulfillment/satisfaction. Later, the BREAD and FISH no doubt are the Blessed Sacrament.

My resistance to carbohydrates shows the unfamiliarity, as a mortal, to spiritual conceptions and nourishments. I am used to more “material” food which is seen as PROTEIN. (In reality, I really was on a protein diet—but this is only used as sense-image material to make a point.) Now I must adjust to a higher form of food, which shows my adjustment to and acceptance of carbohydrates.

Third dream—The third dream is a synopsis of my work, showing God, the souls, and myself all together. God “gave me a ride there” or transported me there—seen as my father. Although my father is in purgatory and will be delivered later, I don’ t think this is him but God.

The two souls that are mentioned—the redheaded lady (redhead shows suffering, here of the mind; if it were a reddish body, of the body ) and the men she is admiring are Rev. Verna Talbot, my former mentor, and Errol Flynn. I do not realize she is Rev. Talbot at the time of the dreaming. I am also not sure if the beauty she is admiring is Errol’s former body or spiritual state—but I think logically must be his soul—which proves he is getting better. In fact, ALL THE SOULS ARE GETTING BETTER because that is the most notable fact of this meeting—that there are so many attractive people here! The rest of the souls in the “town hall” meeting are those in purgatory I am helping unawares. They are linked to me by ties of love and knowledge (kinship, though not always of flesh only).

The dream shows me at the head of the meeting “by accident.” Then I move away to do “little things.” This points out how assistance to souls is not done in a grandiose manner—being a great leader—but by humbling oneself.

The treelike plant that I am concerned with must be my own body, since it is in an earthen pot. That indicates body—“spiritual treasure in earthen vessels.” But again I am concerned with my soul as the distributor of merits—the numerous SEEDS which spiritually are lights. The burned-out cigarette represents a soul in purgatory, or a dead person. The leaves of a cigarette were once alive—now it is “burned out”—just a stub.

The candle represents the love and justice of God which chastises a soul in a purgatorial state. Since I am helping these souls, I am sharing their state.

The glass of water represents grace and the open window with the breeze coming in (wind) is the Holy Spirit. This entire vision represents my central concern: My soul, the souls in purgatory; how we must suffer because of his justice but this suffering is tempered by grace and the love of the Holy Spirit.

Suddenly I realize I have done all I can for one night. I ask God my father if I can have a rest. He is pleased with my work. It definitely shows that GOD -not any normal psychic sense—is responsible for my contacts with purgatory.

10/21/81 Wednesday

CONVERSING WITH ERROL FLYNN

This morning I said to E.F.: “How would you like to have had my daughter [as your daughter]?”

“She is worse than one of my wives,” he said.

Then I said, “How would you like to have had my mother for a mother?”

“I would have paid a million dollars NOT to have had her,” he said.

About his own mother he said that she had been right, if he had listened to her a lot of bad things wouldn’t have happened.

I asked him how be was feeling this morning and he was chipper, saying how well he felt, and how was I? I knew he was being brave, as how well could he be feeling in purgatory? It is his courage that made him speak this way.

I asked E.F. what he wanted to talk about.

He said, “The sailing was a good thing and I think about it when I can. I try to think about friends who I thought would console me (sadly) ,but they don’t give me much consolation—not like you do.”

I said, “That’s because they're not religious. That’s the greatest consolation.”

He said,” IT IS THE ONLY CONSOLATION as I realize now. Anytime that you talk to me it helps. Your prayers help me, and any conversations you have with me help me. my interests are not exactly the same as when I was on earth; the bad things I did I am no longer interested in, of course. Thinking of them makes me feel bad, so I don't.”

He gets upset when people mistreat me. A man was supposed to bring a washing machine upstairs but wouldn’t.

E.F. said he “wasn’t worth his salt, and that he would have brought it up if he had seen a lady like me.

I said to him, “What if you had been a man?” He said, “I would have made him help.”

This evening I read from Scripture for a half hour for E.F. out loud.

He said, “I feel stronger—I feel more life.” You could tall by his expression.

I tried to follow a schedule today. Prayers, rosary, reading and exercise all in sets. Was just reading in The Glories of Mary how just hearing her name pronounced relieves the souls in purgatory. I recited her name and then asked E.F. how it made him feel.

He said, “Now that I am with your mind and hear the name of MARY I feel tremendous relief in the knowledge that I have a Divine Mother, that I am not abandoned, that she is One who cares for me and will help me; not someone to revile me or hurt me. Yes, I feel tremendous consolation that I have such a mother, and she really is mine.”

E.F.’s AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Talking to E.F. for quite a while this evening I asked him, “Is there anything you would like me to type regarding you?”

He said, “Tell them those things written about me saying that I was a Nazi and homosexual were not true. I was totally taken up with my lust for women and I had no attraction to men whatsoever. I could only relate to a man as a friend, believe you me.”

Earlier I asked him of all the things I did for him which, other than Holy Communion, has helped him the most.

He said, “When you do something for me directly, such as saying the rosary, or speaking to me, that helps me the most. Yes, I hear you when you say the rosary for me and it makes ma feel good. It is DIRECT communication which helps the most.”

We have been getting closer. He sees into my mind more now, my thinking and understanding, and he said, “I am almost your intellectual equal now.”

I said, “How is it that, when I first met you a week ago, you knew so little?”

“Because I am engulfed in your mind, and every day I am getting more and more inside you. I now understand things and situations concerning you that I did not know before, events, etc. After I ascend into heaven we will not be talking as often because you will not be so worried about me. But I will look over you. I will be more intelligent, able to help you more and give you better advice.”

He also said, of the things he did that were bad, women were the worst:

“By far my association with women was worse than drugs and booze, which ran neck to neck [neck and neck] after that, because with women I hurt another person—it was just terrible. I’D RATHER DIE THAN LIVE MY LIFE OVER AGAIN.”

This last part he said after I asked him if there were any women that he could think of which gave him consolation. He repeated in consternation about three times:

“I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!”

He said his wives do think of him, but only the bad things be did—his unfaithfulness. He added, “THEY NEVER THINK ABOUT ALL THE MONEY I LEFT THEM, THAT’s THE WAY MORTALS ARE, THEY NEVER THINK OF THE BLESSINGS.”

I asked him about MY husband and he said he did a very evil thing, forcing a beautiful young girl to marry him and then leaving her penniless. He said, “HE IS PAYING FOR IT NOW. OH, HOW HE IS PAYING” (in purgatory).

I asked him if the souls there communicate with one another and he said no, it was every man for himself so to speak, there was no communication.

About our making